Girls for sex on payment
Drukpa Kunley became incredibly disillusioned with the hypocrisy he witnessed, and he hated that these dudes were saying “oh yeah totally give up all material possessions and desires if you want to achieve Enlightenment,” and then they’d go off and hoard money, sleep with women, and screw their buddies over so they could get promoted.Drukpa Kunley hated that these guys were going through the motions without even following their own advice, so he said fuck this and decided he’d do this shit himself.Sure, most of these stories come to us orally through generations of Bhutanese scholars (btw dude, how any author can use a phrase like “the oral renderings of Drukpa Kunley’s exploits” with a straight face is beyond me), but they’re so amazing that I need to share them even though they can’t really be substantiated by any of the world’s greatest penis scholars.Most of his work was based on exorcising evil spirits, blessing good families, and placing curses on evil families (I love that so much!The source isn’t clear.), cut them up, served the meat to a village, then magically turned the bones back into living animals.
Mostly he did this by walking into a town, heading to the town square, and declaring his catchphrase: sing a bunch of dirty karaoke jams about dicks and orgasms, talk shit about the government and the priesthood, and then bone everyone with his crazy Tantric powers (and yeah, he was one of the original gangsters of Tantra, even before Sting). Basically, he was saying to let go of your pretention, stop pretending you’re someone you aren’t, and just give in to your basic human nature without being embarrassed or inhibited, because spiritual happiness only comes when you let go of earthly conventions. Like I said, I don’t really understand a ton of it, but it appears that he was an incredible thinker, speaker, and debater, with an iron-clad grasp on the teaching of Tibetan Buddhism, and any time someone would fuck with him he’d destroy them with some brain-meltingly badass argument that was like and he’d bang a half-dozen nuns he just met five minutes ago and still have enough energy to thump an evil spirit unconscious by swinging his nuts like a medieval flail.
That’s right, folks – this guy was so fucking awesome that he literally has other people drawing dicks on their homes in his name 600 years after his death.
In the interests of full disclosure here, I should mention that my main incentive for writing this article was because I really just wanted to pack this article full of amazing Bhutanese Dong Art, but I eventually had to decide that I’d have a tough time posting this update from my work computer if I have to keep running image searches for Bhutanese murals depicting six-foot-tall cock-and-balls shooting jizz all over the place.
Kunley peaced out and became a Buddhist Monk, moving into a badass monastery somewhere in the fucking Himalayas.
Well, as tends to be the case with medieval clergy, Kunley was pretty upset that a lot of the monks he met were more interested in wealth, power, and personal gain than they were in actually spreading the Good Word.